Akatsuki Chaos
by DeviousxXxSmile
Summary: Cheesy pick uplines? Transsexuals? a weedwacker? WTF? CRACK. Being rewritten. If you have already read this, check back to see if I have added any funny tid bits.
1. AN

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

This is how this will work:

You tell me witch akatsuki member you want to annoy and I will post the reaction!

I've seen a lot of those " How To Annoy…" Fic's but never their reactions witch I think would be a lot funnier!

Review! You know you want to…


	2. Deidara

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, duh.

A/N: The first page will be some random idea I just randomly made up to show you exactly how this will work(and hopefully get more reviews…)

EDIT: I just wanted to add that since I'm going to redo the chapters re-uploading the chapters will probably cause me to lose my previous reviews. I am going to leave the reviewers names and my replies on an I want to thank everyone for reading.

Thank you :D

**I'm Not What People Think I'm: Thanks for the advice. **

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 1

Victim: Deidara

Annoying Tactic: Steal Deidara's clothes and wear them claiming them to be yours.

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I was sneaking (Think Kronk from "Emperors New Groove") down the hall towards my target.

Almost there…

Just a few more steps…

3 steps!

1…

2…

"Nicole."

"Aieeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!" I quickly spun around to face Sasori.

"What are you up to now?" He ask quirking an eyebrow.

I laughed nervously while scratching the back of my head.

"Me? Up to something? Nooooooo! Why would you think something like that Sasori-san?

By the look on his face I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Ummmm…I have to go wash…my cat! Yeah, that's it! My cat!

Mr…Sushi! BYE!" I yelled making a mad dash for Deidara's room.

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**Squeak… Creak… Moan…**

"Geez, Dei-kun really needs to oil his door and…..did something _die_ in here?"

Scanning the room I searched for Deidara's wardrobe.

"Gmf. Why bother? I could just pick something of the bloody floor!"

With that said, I picked up a random shirt witch _happened_ to be Dei's favourite.

"Mwuhahahahaha…This is PERFECT!"

I ran put of the room towards mine to try and get the _horrible_ stench out before putting it on.

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I was prancing around the base like an…annoying person and modelling my shirt to everyone.

I skipped over to Hidan, who just got done getting stitched up by kakuzu after a sacrifice.

"You realize that Deidara's going to fucking blow you to smithereens if he finds you with that shirt?"

I stopped in my tracks and just stared at a bored looking Hidan.

Stare

Stare

Glare

My face broke out in a huge grin.

"I Know!" I squealed in an obnoxiously high pitched voice and then continued prancing out of the room and hugging the cactus plant on the way out which quickly reminded me that hugging a cactus is a really _stupid_ idea. Also, I have no idea why the hell there is a cactus in the base, how it got there or even why the hell I am hugging it.

So I kicked it.

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"OI! Has any of you seen my…That's my shirt, yeah." Deidara said narrowing his eyes at me.

I stopped twirling around and gave him a confused look.

"What are you talking about? I've had this shirt since…ever!"

"Bull shit! Its way to big for you!"

"So it's a little bit too big for me! Big friggen whoop! It's _my_ shirt!"

"If you don't give it back right now, I'll have to use force, yeah."

"Force, huh?" I waggled my eyebrows at him suggestively

Deidara's hands slipped into his clay pouches. "Yeah. Force."

I then realized that his definition of force didn't involve furry handcuffs so I attempted to run away.

The keyword here being: attempt.

I'm a maid. Not a ninja.

In other words:

Angry ninja + slow(to them) maid = a quick end to that chase!

Deidara grabbed me around the waist just as I was about to enter my room.

"Gotcha, yeah!" He said trying to get the shirt off of my squirming body.

"Nuuuuuuuu! Haha! That tickles!!!Hahahahahahaha!!!Stop it!"

Yeah, I'm ticklish. So sue me.

Deidara smirked and brushed his hand against my ribs.

Haha! Please! Hahaha! Deidara, stop! Hahahaha! I'll, Haha! Give you your shirt back!

"So you **admit** it's my shirt, yeah?"

"Haha! Yes! Just stop! Hahaha!"

"Fine." Deidara stopped tickling me and waited for his shirt.

I pulled the shirt over my head threw it at Deidara and ran away giggling.

Deidara just rolled his eyes and continued to his room to finish getting dressed.

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I was thinking about doing another chapter for Deidara, since it wasn't exactly funny and I think my own fan girlish fantasies took over when writing this.

Any thoughts? Shameless hint for reviews


	3. Hidan

Disclaimer: I own Naruto. Whoops…typo. I **don't** own Naruto

A/N: Don't get used to getting updates this fast. I was just _really_ bored.

Warnings: This is _Hidan_! Of course there's gonna be some heavy cussin!

If you're a strong Christian then don't read!

UntamedDragon: Love the idea! Hope you enjoy!

the stranger dude: Sure thing, dude.

firechild553: He'll most likely be my next victim.

I'm Not What People Think I'm: Thanx! Soon enough for you?

Hatake Kai: I'll see what I can come up with.

**Idea by: UntamedDragon**

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 2

Victim: Hidan

Annoying Tactic: Try to get him to convert to Christianity!

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Bored, bored, bored.

I was busy lazing about in the Akatsuki base. Nothing was happening.

Absolutely nothing.

Lets consider my options to release me of this terrible bordom.

Hang out with Deidara or Tobi? – Out on a mission

Itachi and Kisame? – Ditto for them, besides, Kisame's a perv and Itachi won't hesitate to kill me…

Sasori – He's dead. --'

Zetsu? – He'd eat me! TT

Kakuzu? - Haha. You're terribly funny, you know that?

Hidan – Suicide

…

Suicide it is.

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After running around the base like a headless chicken, I found Hidan cleaning his Scythe from any dried blood left on it from his last battles in his room.

"Hiiiiiiiidan-san!" I said in a sing-song voice poking my head into his room.

"What the fuck do you want?" Hidan asked growing an irk mark on his head and throwing a kunai aimed at my own. He hates it when I say his name like that. Teehee!

I ducked out of the way of the kunai just in time. I've gotten used to this greeting. He uses it on me everytime I have to clean his room and let me tell you! It aint pleasant , what, with all the rituals and all.

I ducked my head back in before relying. "I need to talk to you about something. It's about your religion."

This seemed to spark his interest as he lifted is head up from is cleaning.

"You want to join?" He asked sounding a little more eager then usual.

I gave him a weird look. "Heck no! I just wanted to tell you I think you should switch to Christianity!

Hidan went purple faced before yelling at me.

Fuck no! I only worship one god and that's Jashin-sama!

I have the almighty power of God and his son Jesus by my side and I shall convince you to join us!

Screw you, you fucking bitch! Christianity is for fucking pussy's!!!

Come on Hidan-san! God will forgive your sins if you ask! He send his only son to die for them!!

Remember Hidan, God loves you!

I squeaked after finishing that sentence shutting the door just in time as a wave of kunai and shurigan(sp?) imbedded themselves in the door.

I giggled and ran away before Hidan could come and sacrifice _me_ for that Jashin, dude.


	4. Itachi

Disclaimer: A B C D E F G! Naruto Doesn't belong to me!

Ditto for the song Dancing Queen - Abba

A/N: Again with the fast update. Gmf. I have no life.

Oh well! Enjoy!

Warnings: I don't _think_ there's anything wrong with this chapter…I hope.

FearDePucca: lol. I'll be sure to use your ideas in the near future. Rantness excused.

Cyberchick101: Haha! When I read your review the song "Dancing Queen" popped into my head. Enjoy!

fabulosfan: Well we can't forget Sushi-kun now can we! Wait…that gave me an idea…Mwuhahahahahahahahah!!!!

I'm Not What People Think I...: Thanx! I like this next chapter and I'm sure you will to! Kukuku…

**Idea by: ****Cyberchick101**

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 3

Victim: Itachi

Annoying Tactic: Dress up as him and do something embarrassing and embarrassing it will be!

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I heard about a new nightclub that has just recently opened in Grass-country. I loved dancing and just_ had_ to check it out.

When I told this to the rest of the Akatsuki, they all gave me weird looks like I just grew an extra head or something.

But I can't say I blame them. I mean, who would have thought that, _Uchiha Itachi_, of all people liked to dance.

No you didn't read that sentence wrong! Is it so wrong of me to have a favourite pastime? I don't _just_ kill people and mentally torture my brother, you know!

Anyway, back to subject A. The nightclub.

Lights of all colours, interestingly decorated interior, unique tasting foods and the **music! **

Somebody's gotta teach these amateurs how to dance!

I slowly walk over to the dance floor, silence following my every step.

The people are all quiet except for the music that is currently playing.

I walk until I'm standing in the middle of the dance floor and I signal the DJ to start a new song.

I started moving with the beat of _Dancing Queen._

_You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen  
_

I started to sway my hips from side to side.

_  
Friday night and the lights are low  
Looking out for the place to go  
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing  
You come in to look for a king  
Anybody could be that guy  
Night is young and the music's high  
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine  
You're in the mood for a dance  
And when you get the chance..._

I then started to point my hand to the roof and then back down with my other hand on my hip.

_You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen_

I repeated the move a few more times before making a peace sign with both my hands and moving them over my eyes.

_You're a teaser, you turn 'em on  
Leave them burning and then you're gone  
Looking out for another, anyone will do  
You're in the mood for a dance  
And when you get the chance----------------------_

The music suddenly stopped and the people around me started to whisper. That's when I looked up and saw…dun, dun, dun! The **real** Itachi!(a murderous looking one at that!)

…

…

"I think you've had enough fun for today, Nicole."

I gave a nervous laugh before releasing my henge-jutsu that Zetsu was nice enough(yeah right! He only gave in because I wouldn't let go of his leg!) to teach me.

H-hi Itachi-san!

…He just glared at me.

I stared back before yelling "I love you!" and speeding away knowing I was gonna have to lay low for a while in Tobi's room.

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BloodySuicide: Nicole wasn't harmed in the making of this fic, thank you.

Nicole: except for some mental damage, thanx to Itachi's Mangoukyu shirigan.(sp?)

BloodySuicide: -Glares-

Nicole: -sweatdrop- I mean…I'm just peachy!

BloodySuicide: That's what I thought.


	5. Kisame

Disclaimer: What? You think I think Naruto belongs to me? Dude, you should get your head examined.

A/N: Sorry for not updating but school is an ass! I got 3 projects that need to be handed in 1 day after the other!

Warning: I eat babies

naru-chan13: Cool. But Tobi will have to wait for now

yuki takahashi: Hope you like this one!

Hatake Kai: lol. Love ya 2

UntamedDragon: I'm gonna use Kakuzu for that one but for now…Kisame!

I'm Not What People Think I...: lol. Thanks! No, I don't live in the USA but you just gave me an idea for a challenge…

**Challenge: Who ever can guess where I come from will get a special oneshot of their choice written by me! Feel free to ask questions for clues! **

**Idea by: Me! BloodySuicide!**

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 4

Victim: Kisame

Annoying tactic: Make fun of him using his many nicknames.

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Blue.

That's right. Blue.

I have just recently become the akatsuki maid and had yet to meet all the different members, and standing right in front of me was Hoshigaki Kisame.

He's blue.

…and looks like a shark.

Kisame was grinning at me probably expecting me to scream & freak out like all the other girls that had crossed his path.

But I did the exact opposite. I smiled.

He obviously didn't expect me to smile because he frowned and asked "What are you smiling at?"

My smile grew before I replied "You look funny!"

Okay, nevermind. He wasn't frowning at me. Now he was just straight out glaring at me.

"I don't look _funny." _He said clenching his teeth.

"Yeah, you do! In fact I can think of a whole lotta nicknames for you!"

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Nicknames?" He rolled his eyes at me then started walking away but I followed him.

Yes, Nicknames! But I can't choose witch one I like best! Tell me witch one _you_ like best!

Silence was my only answer, so I just started naming of the names I thought were funny.

"Sushi-kun?"

…

"Big blue?"

…

"Nemo?"

…

"_Captain_ Nemo?'

…

"Flipper?"

…

"Free Willy?"

I could see he was getting annoyed. Well it was kinda obvious with those anger vanes on his head.

"Fish---"

SLAM!!!

Kisame slammed his door in my face and I just stood there looking a kicked puppy.

"What did you do to Kisame?"

I turned around and there stood Deidara towering over me. Man I _hate_ being short!

I gave him a innocent smile. "Nothing"

He gave me a look that said he didn't believe me but I just kept smiling and skipped away.

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A/N: I hate this chapter…


	6. Kakuzu

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, it would totally suck!

A/N: I am SOOOOOOO sorry for not updating! Schools being an ass, but It's almost vacation. From 21 September I'll be able to update a bit more. Promise!

Warning: Mayer preppy-ness. Kakuzu bashing.

Mizukiakge: okay what? You confuse me…

Hatake Kai: I thank you. :)mwuhahaha….

naru-chan13: I failed to update _soon_ but atleast I updated!

FearDePucca: oh, no! You can keep laughing:D

UntamedDragon: lol. Zetsu is next on my_ list of victims_.

I'm Not What People Think I...: ah, yes. Family's can indeed become quite annoying. No. Not Canada!

**Challenge: Who ever can guess where I come from will get a special oneshot of their choice written by me! Feel free to ask questions for clues!**

**Idea by: ****UntamedDragon**

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 5

Victim: Kakuzu

Annoying Tactic: Sing the U.G.L.Y song from Daphne and Celeste.

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"OMG!!!!!!!"

"ITS HERE!!!! IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!!" I yelled while jumping around excitedly.

Deidara popped his head out of his room. What's here, un?

I stopped jumping around like a jack-in-a-box and stared at Deidara. "My cheerleading outfit!" I ordered it a few weeks ago.

"Oh. What about the delivery guy? He's going to tell Kanoha where our hideout is!" Deidara said getting slightly panicky.

"Don't worry." I replied with a sickly sweet smile. "I'll take care of it…" My smile turning into a sadistic smirk.

Deidara raised his eyebrow at me. "How? Last time I checked you weren't a ninja, un!" Deidara smirked. He knows I _hate_ it when he pointed out that fact.

I glared at Deidara then rolled my eyes. "Details, details." I said waving my hand dismissively.

Deidara rolled his eyes and went back into his room with a mumbled "whatever".

My sickly sweet smile returned. "Zetsu! Lunch!!"

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"Awww!!! I look totally cute!!!" I squealed while twirling to look at myself in the full length mirror.

There was a knock on my door. "Who is it!?" I asked in a sing-song voice.

The door just swung open and Kakuzu stepped in. "Somebody used my credit card. Do you know who-----

Kakuzu stopped mid-sentence when he saw my outfit. "You!" He roared. "You little thief! You used _my _credit card to buy you this junk!

I gasped. "It's not junk! It's my cheerleading outfit!"

Kakuzu glared daggers at me. "How did you get my credit card anyway?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Ummm…I'm the_ maid_. Remember? I have free access to all the members' rooms. That includes yours!"

Kakuzu gritted his teeth. "You Bitch."

I pouted. "You can't mean that! You love me!"

"I don't_ love_ you!" Kakuzu spat through clenched teeth.

I smiled. " I know what will make mister grumpy cheer up!" I yelled and pressing a button on the sterio next to me.

_OK I'm a cheerleader now_

_CHORUS:_

_U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, eh eh, you ugly_

_(x4)_

I started jumping around the room singing the song. Kakuzu was looking at me kinda confused.

_I saw you walking down the street,_

_just the other day_

_I didn't see your damage,_

_from that far away_

_I should have got a clue,_

_when the kids started screaming_

_You walked up to me,_

_with your buckteeth a-gleaming_

_Your hair is all frizzy,_

_and your face is a mess_

_I thought that was a sack,_

_but it's your favorite dress_

_You hurt the trees' feelings,_

_and the birds all flew_

_I don't mean to insult you- oh wait, yes I do!_

Now Kakuzu was mad. The anger vanes on his head kinda tipped me of to that fact.

_Your teeth are yellow,_

_they're covered with mold_

_You're only fourteen,_

_but you look a hundred years old_

_When looks were handed out,_

_you were last in line_

_Your face looks like where the sun don't shine_

_Did you fall off a building and land on your head?_

_Or did a truck run over your face instead?_

_There ain't no pill,_

_you ain't ill,_

_you're ugly!_

_Chorus (x2)_

I kept dancing around the room barely avoiding the kunai that he was throwing at me. "Anger management, much?"

_What you really need is to wear a mask_

_And book that plastic surgeon fast_

_Girl,_

_you're scary,_

_you're hairy,_

_I heard about you_

_You're the main attraction at the City Zoo_

_You're as fat and ugly as a belly full of flab_

_When you wear a yellow coat_

_people shout out, "CAB!"_

_(you're so funny...I know!)_

_You got eyes like a pig,_

_your nose is big_

_And with hair like that_

_you should be wearing a wig_

_uncle fester remeber him?_

_I never knew that you had a twin_

_You can't disguise yo googly eyes_

_And in a Miss Ugly Pageant,_

_you'd win first prize!_

_Yo mama say you ugly!_

_You ugly!_

_Chorus (x2)_

Kauzu continued thoring me with various pointy objects as I continued to sing while pulling of some cheerleading moves I saw on T.V.

_U-G-L-Y (x8)_

_you ain't got no alibi, you ugly!_

_Get busy (x9)_

_Now I feel like laundry_

_U-U-U-U_

_Chorus (x2)_

_Quasimodo,_

_camelbreath,_

_squarehead,_

_UGLY!_

_Chicken legs,_

_pigface,_

_chin like Bubba,_

_UGLY!_

_Fishlips,_

_toad liver,_

_poindexter,_

_UGLY!_

_Spaghetti arms,_

_limp butt,_

_freak show,_

_UGLY!_

_Chorus (x1)_

_U-G-L-Y, you could make an onion cry!_

_U-G-L-Y, like an alien chased by the FBI_

_U-G-L-Y (x10)_

By the time I finished, Kakuzu was seething and has run out of objects to thorw at me.

"You little brat!!! When I get my hands on you---"

He didn' even bother finishing his sentence as he took of after me.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Could be heard all through the base that day.

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A/N Don't worry, Nicole's not dead…yet! '


	7. Tobi

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no Sue

A/N: OMG! I'm so sorry for breaking my promise! Akatsuki Chaos was put on a bit of an Hiatis but I'll be updating **atleast **once a week! R& R! 

Idea by: EmotionDoesn'tMatter

Hatake Kai: Hehe. Thank you. I'll get Konan soon enough!

BloodySuicide: lol! Thanx Andy! Kinda weird replying to my own account… 

EmotionDoesn'tMatter: Hope you enjoy!

**Challenge: Who ever can guess where I come from will get a special oneshot of their choice written by me! Feel free to ask questions for clues!**

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 6

Victim: Tobi 

Annoying tactic: Steal Tobi's mask 

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"Messy, messy…" I mumbled to myself to myself while sweeping the living room floor. 

"Those bastards don't even bother wiping their feet! What's the point of the nice mat I laid out at the entrance?! It even says 'Cave Sweet Cave' for Pete' sake! 

At that moment Tobi came in (Trudging even more dirt into the floor mind you!) and plopped down on the sofa.

"Hi Nicole-chan!" He practically yelled before lying down to take a nap.

I rolled my eyes at his childish-ness (like I'm any better!) and continued my sweeping. 

All grew silent exept for the quiet sweeping sounds the broom made as it brushed over the floor. The silence was broken when Tobi let out a LOUD snore nearly scaring me half to death!

I screeched and fell on my ass, glaring at Tobi. As I sat there glaring my mind brew up another plot to annoy the Akatsuki…

I silently tip-toed over to Tobi and grabbed hold of his mask. I started to slowly slide his mask off when he grabbed hold of my wrist!

I squealed and pulled my wrist free, ripping his mask off in the process. Sadly I couldn't catch a glimpse of his face because Tobi instinctively covered his face with a pillow.

I sprinted down the hall with Tobi's mask, laughing my ass of as I went.. I quickly ducked into a nearby room.

After about 5 minutes I peeked around the corner and saw Tobi coming at me, full speed, with a brown paper bag over his head and a hole for his eye!

I squealed again and sprinted down the hall once more.

"Nicole! Please give back Tobi's mask!"

"No! Nicole likes Tobi's mask!"

Tobi made an annoyed (Mission accomplished! ) sound behind me and continued chasing me throughout the hide-out.

However…Our game of cat & mouse came to an urupt end when I ran into a wall…

Tobi's mask fell from my hands and clattered to the floor as I instinctively held both my hands over my nose, groaning in pain.

Tobi stopped behing me and grabbed up his mask then making a mad dash for his room yelling: Tobi is a good boy!

I blinked. Once. Twice. Then got up and continued my previous task of sweeping the floor.


	8. Zetsu

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Naruto?

A/N: I have **got** to stop these making promises…Anyway, sorry for not updating! My computer was being an ass but it's fixed now!

Idea: Partly UntamedDragon, partly me.

I'm Not What People Think I: Err…Sorry!" No I don't live in South America or Europe, I do live south though.

Marissa: Leader and Sasori's turn will come soon enough! Hidan worships Jashin. It's made up so yeah…

UntamedDragon: Yes I know but I had an urge to write a Tobi chapter. Here's Zetsu! Enjoy!

DreamlessDemon: Yeah probably…Oh well! Enjoy!

I'llkillyoutomarrow: Oooh! I forgot about Konan! plotting her demise

**Challenge: Who ever can guess where I come from will get a special oneshot of their choice written by me! Feel free to ask questions for clues!**

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 7

Victim: Zetsu

Annoying Tactic: Kick him there and RUN!

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Snore

Snore

Cough, hack, cough, cough, wheeze!

"Ach! I swallowed a bug!"

"Bugs these days! The Aburame clan really need to teach there bugs some manners!"

"Anywho…I see your back for another fun filled adventure of Akatsuki Chaos! You must really enjoy reading about me almost getting killed, huh?" (Bitches…)

"Oh well! Who should I annoy today? Hmmm…Zetsu needs some love! (Or the complete opposite…)

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I dashed around the base, running from room to room calling out Zetsu's name.

"ZETSU-KUUUUN!"

"Yes **Nicole-chan?"**

I stopped banging on his door and turned around to see Zetsu standing a mere inch away from me.

I blushed and took a step away from him.

"Hi Zetsu-kun!"

"Good day **Nicole-chan."**

"What cha Doing?"

"I just finished…**disposing of the body** from our last **interrogation session**. Why do you ask?"

I smiled "No reason!"

An awkward silence followed consisting of Zetsu staring at me grinning like an idiot.

"…What are you up to, **Nicole-chan?"**

My smile faded and was replaced by an innocent look.

"Up to something, Zetsu-kun? Why would you ask that?"

His eyes narrowed. "You do have a nasty habit of **being an annoying pain in the ass."**

…

TWUMP

Zetsu was now a groaning ball on the floor.

I laughed. "That shouldn't hurt because plants don't have balls!"

I continued laughing at the sniveling ball on the floor. After a couple of minutes Zetsu recovered and he didn't exactly look happy…

I ran.

Bloody fast mind you!

Why do I always end up being chased! TT

Zetsu chased me through the entire base. It was like a game of packman!

Suddenly my foot caught on something and I tripped and fell on my face.

I groaned and looked towards my face and saw…a thing!

I grabbed it and held it infront of me to hopefully protect me from Zetsu.

He skidded to a stop infront of me and gave me weird look.

"Is that a…**weed-whacker?"**

I looked down at the thing.

"Why…yes it is!" I said revving the engine.

Zetsu sweat dropped and decided that dealing with me was far to much trouble than I was worth, turned around and left.

I blinked then waved the thing above my head and yelling: "Yeah you better run!"

In the process of waving it above my head it kinda snitched some of my hair…

Oops…


	9. Akatsuki Valentine Special

Disclaimer: Nope. Still no own.

A/N: I _would _have had this out sooner but 4 reviews aren't exactly_ motivating._ So, if you really want me too update I will need at least 6 reviews.

Happy Belated Valentines day!!!!

Idea by: Me

PhyscoticOnna: lol. Thanks! My friend just had his wisdom teeth removed too!

AHHHH!!!evilmushroomsofdoom...: Hehe. Glad you like! No, not Canada.

I'm Not What People Think I...: lol. How'd you know! Joking…No I don't live in Central America or Austria and DEFINITELY not Antarctica! Brrrr…

DeiDei-kunsgirl: Thank you!

**Challenge: Who ever can guess where I come from will get a special oneshot of their choice written by me! Feel free to ask questions for clues!**

:::Akatsuki Chaos:::

Chapter 8 – Valentines day special

Victim: Akatsuki

Annoying tactic: Celebrate V-day!

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Snip. Snip. Snip. Stick.

"Done!"

I just finished putting the finishing touches on the Akatsukis Valentines day gifts and they looked GREAT! I even had the wrapping paper custom made to fit with the receiver of my gift!

I giggled and made my way to the kitchen. Once inside I looked in the cupboard under the kitchen sink. I dug around a bit until I found what I was looking for.

"Ah-ha!"

I held the two pans in my hands and went into the living room where the gift laid in a pile on the floor.

I took a deep breath and held the two pans out in front of me.

BANG, BANG, BANG!!!!!!!

All 10 members of the Akatsuki came dashing in expecting some kind of trouble.

"Hi guys! Sleep well?"

They all gave me either a glare or blank stare.

Kisame was one of those who was glaring at me. "I _was_."

Pein was next to speak up. "Nicole. Why did you wake us all so early?"

"It's Valentines day and I wanted to give you all a gift!"

Everyone started filing out of the room as soon as I finished that sentence.

"Oh come on! Don't you want your gifts?"

I was ignored.

My eyes watered up. "Fine. I j-just wanted to l-let you guys k-know that I care! But I g-guess the f-feeling isn't m-mutual."

They started panicking. "Nicole, stop crying or I will feed you to Zetsu!"

They may be S-class criminals but they wouldn't know how handle a crying girl to save their life!

"Gha! Fine! We'll stay!" Deidara yelled.

I immediately stopped crying and perked up. "Yay! Okay everyone! Take a seat!"

Everyone took seats on the chair/couch/floor.

I dug through the pile of gifts until I came upon one wrapped in blue paper with bubbles on.

"Here you go, Kisame!"

Kisame opened with a bored look on his face and raised his eyebrow before raising the gift out of its box.

"A rubber-duck…with hearts…"

"Isn't it cute?!"

Kisame gave it a light squeeze.

SQUEAK

"Your next Sasori-san!" I said handing him a box wrapped in red paper with dolls.

Sasori eyed his gift wearily and gently took the paper of. Inside was a small bottle with a label on.

_Wood Varnish_

"Thanks…"

I lifted yet another gift from the pile and carried it to Konan. You could see it was a little heavy by the way I was walking.

Konan took it and took of the paper to reveal a…printer.

"What the hell?"

"Now your origami won't look so plain!"

Before Konan had a chance to comment on the fact that they don't even have electricity not to mention a computer, I had already handed Kakuzu his gift.

It wasn't very big and fit nicely into the palm of his hand.

He took an envelope opener from his pocket and made a neat slit along the side.

"A calculator…"

"Counting your money will be a cinch!"

I dug around the gifts pile some more when the doorbell rang.

DING-DONG

"I'll get it!" I dashed of to answer the door.

"Since when do we have a doorbell…?"

"Since when do we have a _door?"_

I came back after a few minutes with the delivery man towing after me.

"Really miss. I just need you to sign here and then you can have the parcel!"

I gave him a confused look. "Parcel? I don't want the parcel! You're the gift!"

Now it was his turn to give me a confused look. "Me?"

"Yes you! Zetsu! Come get you're gift!"

The poor man paled when he saw the Venus flytrap-like man stand up.

Zetsu grabbed him before he had a chance to run away and dragged him into the kitchen.

"Thanks. I like them with a little extra…**zest…" **Zetsu said when passing me.

I pranced back to the small pile of gifts and took out a gift wrapped in yellow paper with orange swirly lollypops on them.

"Tobi! Here you go!"

Tobi jumped up excitedly and took his gift. He tugged the paper of to reveal a coloring book(Crayons included).

He stared at it blankly for a second and then glomped me yelling.

"Thank so you much Nicole-chan!"

The plopped himself down on the floor an started coloring a truck.

I grabbed another white parcel with little red engravings on them and handed it to Hidan.

He took it and ripped it open.

"You gave me fucking socks? With _hearts_?"

"Yes! Their all wool, soft to the touch and…" I started getting a dreamy look on my face.

A soft scratching sound pulled me out of my dreamy stupor.

I grabbed up a big round box with yellow wrapping paper with small explosions on them and gave it to Deidara with a big smile.

Deidara cautiously lifted the lid and then fell of his chair when a small bundle of fur jumped in his face.

"A _puppy!_? You gave me a _puppy_!?" Deidara yelled from the floor trying to get the dog of that was continuously licking his face.

"I couldn't help it! It was just _so_ cute!!!!"

Deidara glared at me and got up and sat back on the chair, the puppy in his lap trying to play with the bang over his eye. His gaze softened and he scratched the puppy behind the ears.

"What are you gonna call it?"

"I'm not sure"

I grabbed the second last gift from the pile and handed it to Pain.

He took it and swiftly removed the wrapping from the small wooden box.

"It's a jewelry box! For all those piercings of yours!"

"Thank you."

I picked the last gift up from the floor and gave it to Itachi.

"I hope you like them Itachi-san!"

Itachi teared the red paper with small sharingan on them off and stared at the gift inside. He gave me a blank stare then lifted a pair of black boxers out that had small little red devils on them.

Deidara snickered while still stroking the puppy. "Hey Itachi! Why don't you try them on?"

Itachi gave Deidara a glare and then everyone wandered of to their rooms to probably trash their new gifts.

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Any Ideas for name for the puppy? Please review me with your ideas!


	10. Sasori

Disclaimer: Bring on the bondage gear because I _own_ Naruto! Note the sarcasm

A/N – Again, 4 reviews really ain't motivating and I would appreciate it if you guys would up the ant on that. Thank you to those who _do_ review.

On a lighter note, I've decided to name Deidara's puppy Waffle! You might have already known that if you have read my most resent one-shot, **There's A New Good Boy In Town**. Thank you **Cyberchick101** and all the others who gave me name suggestions!!

If you haven't notices already, I changed my username from **BloodySuicide **to** DeviousxXxSmile**.

Idea by: ME! DeviousxXxSmile

I'm Not What People Think I...: lol. Thank you, thank you! bows Nope not Asia! Than you for the name ideas. I loved them all. Its a girl b.t.w

Deidei-kunsgirl: Hehe. I think Boomerang is a very cute name!

Slack-jawed cheese hugger: Cute

Cyberchick101: Oooooohh! I don't want to spoil the answer for the other people doing my challenge but your the 3rd one who gets a oneshot!! I just need to know what characters(from Naruto or your own, I need at least two), Genre (Romance, Horror ect ect) and if you use an OC I will need an description. Thank you for the name idea! I loved it! It just fit perfectly with my mental image of Waffle(She's a lab)

Challenge: Who ever can guess where I come from will get a special oneshot of their choice written by me! Feel free to ask questions for clues!

:Akatsuki Chaos:

Chapter 9

Victim – Sasori

Annoying tactic – Take a nap...>.>

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_Yawn_

Nicole covered her mouth with her hand as a huge yawn ripped through her body then coughing slightly at the dust particals she accidentally inhaled.

The week has been uneventful and -for lack of better word- boring.

Having nothing better to do, Nicole has successfully kicked out any dust bunnies inhabiting the hide-out. Al that was left was the library.

Currently she was dusting the large bookshelves that stretched across the walls packed with rows and rows of books holding information about God knows what.

_Ah-choo!_

She sneezed after some more annoying dust particals settled in her nostrils.

"Bless you" Came a smooth but hollow sounding voice from next to her.

She sniffed. "Thanks"

Sasori reached past her and grabbed a book. _Dummy-making for Dummies_

_Ah-choo!_

Nicole sneezed again causing Sasori to give her a quick glance. "Do you have a cold?" he asked nonchalantly while leafing through the book before snapping it shut grabbing another book from the shelf.

"No, its the damn dust bunnies. They want revenge on me for kicking out their brother and sisters earlier." Came the slightly nasally reply.

Sasori gave an amused grunt at Nicole's choice of words and then proceeding the process of snapping the book shut and grabbing another.

Nicole watched Sasori do this a few more times with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"I think I know a book you might like...?"

He glanced up from the book he was currently leafing through then grabbed another. "Yes?"

Her face broke out into a wicked grin and she rushed over to a bookshelf on the opposite wall. She scanned through them, running her finger along their spines.

"Ah-ha!" She yelled triumphantly earning herself an amused look from Sasori.

She ran back, stuffed the small book in his hands, clasped her hands behind her back and waited for his response.

Sasori stared at the cover of the book for a few seconds then looked up at Nicole and raised his eyebrow.

"Pinocchio?"

Nicole was grinning like a Cheshire cat at the look he was giving her.

A few seconds of silence passed until Sasori sighed and sat down on the couch behind him.

He opened the childish book and read.

Nicole plopped down next to him to take a short rest before she had to continue her duties.

Sasori continued reading, getting totally engrossed by the book in his hands.

He didn't expect the light weight on his shoulder nor did he expect to see that Nicole had fallen asleep on said shoulder, duster long forgotten in her lap.

He sighed again as if in great pain and put the book down. He got up and placed one arm under her legs and the other on her back then lifted her into the air.

She muttered some gibberish in her sleep but didn't awaken as Sasori carried her down the hall to her room.

He nudged the door open with his foot and stepped inside, scanning the room for a bed and locating a few steps from the door.

He placed her lightly on the bed and was about to get back up when Nicole latched onto his arm with a stronger grip than expected from such a small girl.

Sasori tried to tug his arm free but to no avail.

The mini tug 'o war continued until she suddenly yelled out "MINE!" and rolling onto her side furthest from Sasori.

The action was followed by a soft _pop_ sound.

Sasori stared down at the girl who was snuggling his arm.

His arm witch was no longer attached...


	11. Konan

Disclaimer: Sue me and I swear…I'll own you

Disclaimer: Sue me and I swear…I'll own _you._

Idea by: Me, DeviousxXxSmile

Dot – Ok…Whatev's

Shi-Toyu – Thank you! Yours truly, the Genius.

Murasaki Shikibu – lol. I'm glad you liked it! I'm sure it took you more than 5 minutes to read. 7 minutes tops!

sco23 – Thanks for the idea but I hope you find this one even funnier.

Dddd – Yes he is indeedy!

I'm Not What People Think I Am – Sorry for taking so long but here the second to last chappie! No not Austria!

sakurabender – Back off. He's mine! Joking, joking! Please don't eat me!

:Akatsuki Chaos:

Chapter 10

Victim – Konan

Annoying Tactic - …Mwuhahahahahahaha!

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How I _hate_ her.

The way her hair is always looks so pretty when all she does is pile her hair up on top of her head in a messy bun.

The way that _stupid_ origami flower decorates her blue tresses.

The way her lips are so full.

The way her eyes always look at me like she's hiding some huge secret.

The way she always carries her body with poise and grace only a ninja can poses.

The way her Akatsuki coat clings to her form, showing of her perfect curves.

The way she actually _has_ curves!

How I totally and utterly _despise_ her very _existence_!

I sit fuming on my bed, fuming about the blue haired beauty named Konan.

Just Konan. She doesn't even have a last name for Gods sake! She probably thinks she's too _good_ for a fucking last name.

I know that behind all that beauty and poise, she's actually a conniving little bitch!

You might be wondering _why_ I hate Konan so much.

Well…It could be for the fact that she's trying to steal **my** boys attention and keeping it all for herself!

And worst of all, my boys don't even care that she's stealing them away from me!

What does she have that I don't have?!

…

STOP JUDGING ME!

Geez! You people are so, so, _so judgmental_!

Revenge! She wants to steal my boys, she'll have to deal with _me _first! I'm going to embarrass Konan in front of all of them! Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

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A couple of days went by after my silent vow of revenge, as I waited for the perfect opportunity.

An opportunity that had presented itself for me tonight.

There were no missions today and everyone would be in front of the T.V tonight for another episode of _days of our lives. _

Everyone was busy gathering in the T.V room while I was busy finishing vacuuming. (We finally have electricity!)

Konan was always last to arrive.

The familiar tune of the show was playing on the T.V and the guys we're shouting at me to turn the vacuum off.

"Nicole! Turn that thing off!"

"Shut that fucking thing up before I shut it up for you!"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"Alright, alright!"

I turned it off but kept standing near the doorway, waiting for Konan.

She finally entered through the door after a minute and I grinned evilly to myself.

"Hey guys! Look!"

I turned the vacuum on and pointed to a bewildered Konan. Her eyes widened as the strong suction of the vacuum started tugging at her cloak until…

_Riiiiiiiip!_

The vacuum sucked in the remains of Konan's clothing and I turned to face the guys, expecting them to burst out laughing any second.

Instead I face their horrified faces. _Maybe their gay…_

I was confused why none of them were laughing or wolf whistling at the most likely embarrassed Konan.

I faced Konan again.

Oh no.

Oh _God_ no!

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew_, ew_!!

Is that a…?!

But Konan…?!

"Konan's a dude!" I yelled horrified at the aspect of having a _guy_ look better than me, _a girl!_

Konan didn't look happy.

She—He snatched the vacuum out of my hand and then yelled in an extremely male voice. "Are you happy now?!"

"You bitch!"

I stared, mouth agape as Konan stormed down the hall to her room.

I faced the guys again. They all look pretty much as horrified as I felt.

Hidan was the one to break the shocked silence.

"This is some serious Jerry Springer shit!"


	12. Pein

Disclaimer: Yeah

Disclaimer: Yeah. Fucking. _Right_

Idea by: Inspired by SukiraOfTheLight

I'm Not What People Think I Am: OMG! That must have been embarrassing! Haha! Anyway, I tried not to leave it as long as last time but it still took a little time. I apologize for that. I am going through a little rough patch in my life. Hope you enjoy!

SukiraOfTheLight: Hi Mika-chan! Thank you for the Idea! I twisted it a bit but I think you will like it anyway. Enjoy!

ilikelickingwindows: Hehe. That's the Idea! A very interesting name, b.t.w.

Shi-Toyu: I'm glad you like my story! Enjoy!

slack-jawed cheese hugger: I know!

naru-chan13: I am glad you enjoy it. Keep reading my stories!

Murasaki Shikibu: Haha! Yes, Pein is next on the torture list, enjoy! Don't worry, Nicole won't die.

buyokitty: Glad you like! Just for the record. I don't really think Konan is a guy. I just said she is for my and your amusement!

idkwtusb: You caught me. I'm really from JUPITER! HAHAHA! –cough- Erm…Thank you for the idea. It's quite funny but…Read below.

**A/N – 1) I am sorry to say that this is the last chapter! Like I told **_I'm Not What People Think I Am_**, I am busy with a little change in my life…Make that a big change. I won't have a lot of time to type until after that and I don't want to put **_Akatsuki Chaos_** on such a long Hiatus. If I find the time I might write an oneshot once in a while dedicated to all those who read my story and participated in the challenge. Speaking of the challenge…**

**2) The challenge is CANCELLED! Partly because I don't have the time and partly because they don't get back to me. Like I said before, I will still write an oneshot now and then. I am terribly sorry! Enjoy the last and final chapter of ****Akatsuki Chaos!**

:Akatsuki Chaos:

Chapter 11

Victim – Pein

Annoying Tactic – Cheesy Pick-up lines rock.

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Laundry day.

I hate laundry day.

I could have sworn Kisame's underpants growled at me once.

I opened Konan's door to find her--it lying down on its bed reading a Vogue Magazine. It glared at me as I picked up the small pile of dirty cloths it left in the corner. I grinned at it and waggled my eyebrows a bit, just to piss it off, before going out.

Konan's been really moody the last week. I'm thinking it might be my constant use of her—its new nickname, _It._ Yeah that might be it.

I chuckled to myself thinking back on all the torture methods I used on the Akatsuki.

That reminds me…There is one member that I haven't tortured yet.

Leader-sama. Pein. The big Kahuna.

Well…There's no time like the present!

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Pein-sama's office door creaked as I slowly opened it and peeked my head in.

"Nicole. Why are you here?" Pein asked from his seat behind his desk which was littered with papers and had a white mug within arms reach of him that said 1# Leader on it in big red letters.

I kept my face void of any emotion as I walked to his desk. He raised his eyebrow and waited patiently for my answer.

…

"Did it hurt?" I asked.

"…Did what hurt?" He frowned slightly in confusion.

"When you fell from heaven." I said with a serious face.

Pein's confused look turned into that of amusement. "Somehow I highly doubt I come from _heaven_."

He looked back down to his papers and continued working. "If that's all then you should go now. I am very busy."

I pouted. Guess I'll just have to keep trying until he blows up.

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Pein yawned as he stepped out o his office. It was around midnight and he had been busy with paperwork all day. As he made his to his room for a little shut-eye, I popped up in front of him.

"Hello. I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart."

Pein got that amused look on his face again but just continued walking to his room. I trailed after him.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together." I said bounding after him.

"I like the alphabet the ay it is now just fine." He replied, humoring me.

"Stand still so I can pick you up!"

Pein stilled. He was starting to lose the amused look. "Are you going through a phase, Nicole?"

We continued walking.

"Your daddy must have been a baker because you've got a nice set of buns!"

Pein didn't look amused anymore. Now he had this look on his face that read, What The Fuck?

"Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night."

"Yes I am quite tired and I think you should go to bed too."

We finally arrived at his room. He opened the door and was just about to close it behind him when I spoke up again.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?"

"ME!"

Pein rolled his eyes at me.

"Goodnight, Nicole."

He closed the door and I heard the lock click.

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Pein was busy getting dressed. He had removed his shirt and was ruffling cloths around in the cupboard in search of his sleep-shirt when I popped up behind him. He didn't seem to notice and continued searching when I did it.

I grabbed his ass.

I Grabbed. Pein's. ASS!

He abruptly stood straight and glared at me.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I believe I am grabbing your bunion, sir." I said giving his ass another squeeze.

That seemed to piss him off even more as he grabbed me by the back of my shirt and carried me like you would carry a dog to the door. He opened it and through me out.

"I'll deal with you tomorrow."

After he slammed the door shut I grinned to myself and ran off to my room.

I ducked under my bed and took out a walkie-talkie.

"Fox. Are you there? Come in Fox."

"Fox here. Are you alright, Bug?"

I grinned to myself. "Mission Accomplished."

"That's great, believe it! (Guess who?)

"I'm on my way home now." I said taking an umbrella out from under the bed as well.

"Alright. See you soon!"

I clicked the walkie-talkie off and went outside with the umbrella.

I opened it and looked back at the base as I was lifted off the ground and carried off to Kanoha, Mary Poppins style.

THE END


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